I’ve struggled to figure out a consistent schedule for this website/blog. I thought a post a week would be possible, but I wasn’t being realistic with myself. I’m an arbitrary person and spontaneity with my hobbies keeps the spark alive. So with that in mind, I decided to do a reflection. I want to be more transparent because why the fuck not. I want to encourage you to do the same. All this to say I will be posting 3 times a month!
Now to answer the question: When you look in the mirror, who looks back?
Mirror-Image
Being Black in a predominantly white suburb made me “more” aware of myself. The off-handed comments about my skin, developing body, and intelligence were constant. I spent a lot of time in the mirror, staring at every inch of myself; I was unhappy. Pre-teen Tamera was spiraling with self-destructive thoughts, hidden behind chemical hair straighteners and mule-level stubbornness. A reflection of self-hate.
It wasn’t until I was entering junior/senior year in high school that I started to truly grasp the concepts of discrimination and racism. They were just words and mild actions to me before I realized they were shaping my image. I was viewing myself through the lens of white supremacy and patriarchy; comments about my skin tone and maturing body were normal. Since no one saw a problem with the things I was experiencing I didn’t question them. I started to bubble over with anger and resentment which didn’t lessen until I met more friends in my position: specks of color in a sea of white.
Talking through our teenage injustices soothed some of my anger. I started to view myself in a more flattering light. I started to read more literature by Black and other minority authors. Entering college you couldn’t tell me shit (including my prison sentence of a DV relationship).
What I saw when I looked in the mirror: A black woman, a monolith. The mirror was shattering.
Double Reflection
As I said, my mirror was shattering. The image I had of myself: the monolith of what a darker-skinned woman was. I was one of a kind and everyone made sure to remind me of that. A little off: into the arts and learning. Too articulate. I soon learned what it meant to be stereotyped. This was the time I found it fun to purposely mention facets of my being that ‘ignored’ people’s perceptions of what it meant to be Black. I was seeing my past and present at once and it was making me nauseous. I couldn’t seem to stop performing for my peers in one way or another.
This is the time to ask yourself, how did you view yourself growing up? What shaped your perceptions of yourself: the institutions, societal expectations, familial relations, etc. Are you satisfied with how you turned out? Do you want to change? Are you capable of change? These questions were what I found myself asking. I wasn’t satisfied with myself as a person and wanted to fix it.
What I humbly present to you, is the person I am now. I look in the mirror and I see a woman who is proud of her features. I’m a work in progress, an activist. I’m not shy about what I like and dislike. I do not conform to Western societal norms and I never will. loud and proud. I look at my reflection in the mirror and see those qualities staring back at me.
Funhouse Mirrors + Other Funky Reflections
All of this just to say, I worked hard to show as the person in the mirror: flamboyant, noticeable, and confident. I am political because my very being is political. My race, my place in the LGBTQ+, and my womanhood impact my everyday life. They’ve molded me into the woman that I am and shaped the way I view the world. I move accordingly.
I need you to seriously look in the mirror and ask yourself the same questions. What are your goals? Are you hoping for a more inclusive future or constantly looking back? Do some deep diving and figure out what connects with you (especially with my content). While I want to foster connections with like minded people, this is an open blog for anyone wanting to learn and not knowing where to start.
Just because your mirror image is different from mine doesn’t mean you aren’t welcome. I always give the respect granted to me: trust takes time and effort. I’m excited to share more about what my students and I speak about in terms of History and how it’s relevant in February!
Knowledge should be accessible to everyone. Keep an open heart and a hungry mind!
Keep up with my writing work + art here!
