If you didn’t know already, Late Bloomer is the name of my first published poetry collection. A book that helped me overcome the darkest time in my life. A book that made me fall in love again with writing. In this post I want to talk about this publication, especially because of it’s strong emotional significance to me. I won’t lie, I’m also hoping I can get you to give it a chance!
I’ve been writing poetry for as long as I can remember but never thought it was good enough to share. Something about being vulnerable during extremely emotional times in my life just seemed like I was begging for attention; the feeling made me uncomfortable, even if the process was cathartic. So, I still wrote even when my 5-year relationship was crumbling around me. I wrote even while thinking this was content that no one would ever want to read because it was deeply personal and depressing. I just needed a space to explore my emotions where no one could tell me what I was feeling was wrong or that what I was feeling was unwarranted. The only thing I still had a right to were my thoughts within that abusive relationship, so I clung to them like a life-raft and attempted to keep from drowning.
Irrational Fear
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure how I would talk about this collection when asked. I understood why and how it came to be but articulating that for others to grasp was impossible for me. Until I came across a quote that put it all into perspective for me:
Over the years, we met every kind of person imaginable. But no one makes worse first impressions than writers.
Brian K. Vaughan (Saga Vol 3)
This quote made me realize exactly what I was scared of: making a bad first impression. I thought my first published work should be uplifting and happy. I never wanted to admit to myself that I thought I introduced myself with my worst foot forward. It took me a while to remember that the happiness that steamed from writing for me was the emotional vulnerability; I enjoy being uncomfortable if it means continued growth. I wrote this, and will continue to write, for myself first.
Understanding
Now that I’m over that irrational fear of introducing myself poorly, I can truly be honest when I say I did make a bad first impression. I don’t mean ‘bad’ as in poorly done because this poetry collection is anything but. I mean that I published this while still feeling like I was at the lowest point in my life. I’d just moved back in with my parents and was suffering the blow backs of ending a relationship. Thought my friends and family wouldn’t understand and support what I wrote. I was terrified of admitting that I was abused and stayed in an abusive relationship. I did it anyway. Because I’d always wanted to publish a book. Because I was tired of someone else trying to silence me. The only thing I wish I’d done differently is hold off on publishing till I felt more secure in my life’s transition.
This collection of poetry centers on recognizing toxic relationships and the aftermath of ending them; whether that be from significant others, friends, family or strangers. These poems are deeply personal and leave me vulnerable. These poems were my way of working through my sadness, my anger and my healing. I’m happy to finally say that these poems released me from the fear surrounding my writing.
Please understand this collection isn’t going to be for everyone and I’m okay with that. It highlights domestic violence and the emotional aftermath. Did you know nearly twenty people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner (source)? It’s sadly common and I hate the shame victims experience when it comes to talking about it. So I wrote about it, because I know I’m not the only one to experience this. I know how important it is to show the ugly side of romance to make standing up for yourself and against it easier. Violence in any form, against any living creature isn’t acceptable.
Appreciation
Thank you, for taking the time to read this and allowing me the space I needed to talk about something so extremely important to me. Thank you for any and all support you’ve given me this far. I donate 20% of my sales to domestic violence prevention related organizations. I’d love to increase this with more sales but currently standing I can’t afford too.
Stay safe and never be afraid to reach out for help. You’re loved. You’re irreplaceable.
